Family Secrets
by Saturn Girl
Summary: Friends talk, secrets are revealed, and showers are required afterwards. Spoilers for Season 6.


Title: Family Secrets  
Author: Saturn Girl  
Feedback: saturngirl9@hotmail.com  
  
Pairing: Xander/Buffy friendship  
Summary: Buffy and Xander on patrol. Friends talk, secrets are revealed, and showers are required afterwards.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. Feedback welcome and appreciated, especially since this dialogue-only piece is a bit of an experiment. Big hugs to darling Karen for her beta help. The rest of my fic can be found at Karen's Biteable archive here: http://www.biteable.co.uk/saturngirl/home.html  
  
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"Buff, remind me to never, ever go patrolling with you when you're hunting Malodor demons."  
  
"Hey, this is so entirely not my fault. The Book of Crappy Dress Codes-"  
  
"K'Rapydreskor. The Book of K'Rapydreskor."  
  
"- whatever! The book didn't say anything about those nasty pustule thingies exploding when they get scared!"  
  
"And thanks so much for freaking out the entire herd so we could get an up close and personal demonstration of that fun little defense mechanism. Of all the icky things we've fought, I think those guys win the award for Most Hurl Worthy. Guh, the inside of my mouth still tastes like Uncle Rory's Gumbo Surprise."  
  
"I know I'm going to regret this, but...surprise?"  
  
"Rory's gumbo recipe is a closely guarded family secret, but if I were to guess, I'd say its any critter that crawls into his woodshed to die."  
  
"Ew! No wonder you skip all your family dinners."  
  
"I'd rather have a second helping of Rory's gumbo than another face full of Malodor pus, that's for sure."  
  
"Yuck. How am I going to get this slimy gunk out of my hair? And my shoes...they're all squishy and gross. We can't be seen out in public like this!"  
  
"C'mon, my place isn't far away. We can grab a quick shower before we pick up their trail again. Maybe find some slime retardant raincoats and painter masks while we're at it."  
  
"What, you want me to wear a raincoat so I look like Pervy Flasher Slayer tonight? Nuh uh. There's no way I'm putting these nasty clothes back on again."  
  
"No prob. You can wear some of the clothes that Anya, um...left behind."  
  
"Oh. Are you sure that's okay? She's always so proprietary about her stuff..."  
  
"She won't mind. She, ah, she told me to burn them all, anyway. She said she doesn't want anything I've given her anymore. Well, actually she didn't SAY that...she scratched it on the hood of my car."  
  
"Ooh, harsh. I'm sorry, Xan."  
  
"Not as sorry as I am. Just got the damn thing fixed."  
  
"You two aren't exactly on speaking terms yet, I guess."  
  
"We speak. Kinda. I apologize, grovel and beg. She cries, yells and throws breakable objects. But I keep hoping that one of these days we can stop with the begging and throwing and have a real conversation. So I can, you know...explain things."  
  
"Like why you left Anya at the altar and embarrassed her in front of everyone she knows things?"  
  
*blush*  
  
"Um, yeah, that pretty much sums up the things. She still doesn't understand."  
  
"Xander, no one understands. You can't talk about it with Anya, and you won't talk about it with anyone else. It's been over a month. When are you finally gonna share? Because I really, really don't understand why you bailed. I thought you loved her."  
  
"I do love her!"  
  
"Well, you picked the exact wrong way to show it."   
  
"Look, Buffy, I know what I did was terrible...you gotta believe that I didn't want things to end up that way. I want to marry Anya. God, I want to be with her so much, but it's so complicated."  
  
"So complicate me. Explain things. If you can't even explain them to me - sans thrown objects, I might add - how are you going to explain them to Anya? Here's your chance. Let me be your practice dummy."  
  
"Will you promise to wear the puffy suit?"  
  
"Shut up, I'm trying to have a serious grown up conversation here. Was it the vengeance demon thing? Was that it? Because I can totally understand why..."  
  
"No, it's not that. Although considering she tried to wish for my intestines to explode maybe it should have been. Jeez, Buff...stinky slime demons on the loose, remember? We don't have time for this! Can we just..."  
  
"I'm making time. So stop with all the walking away already and talk about this!"  
  
"Fine. Fine! You wanna know why I called it off? It had nothing to do with being scared of Anya...and everything to do with knowing what kind of horrible life she would have had with me."  
  
"Huh? Horrible life...? Where the hell did that come from? Oh. Duh! I get it. Xander, that demon guy who crashed the wedding was lying! Nothing he told you about your future was real."  
  
"No, you *don't* get it. They weren't lies...what I saw that day, it was all really me. I lived it, I felt it, and there wasn't anything he showed me that I didn't already know. He forced me to realize that if I married Anya right now, I'd only end up ruining her life."  
  
"God, Xan...you're shaking."  
  
"I...I'm sorry. But it was all so real..."  
  
"I don't understand what could get you so spooked. You're a good, decent man. Any woman would be lucky to grow old with you. You could *never* ruin anyone's life. You're...you're Xander."  
  
"Yeah. Xander HARRIS. The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the tree, Buff."  
  
"I know your folks are a little...ahem, eccentric...but no one has the perfect family. Anya saw them acting up at the rehearsal and the wedding, and it didn't even phase her. Heck, her demon pals are just as weird as your relatives. She can handle all that."  
  
"I don't want her to. She doesn't deserve to live with the Harris Family Legacy."  
  
"Rory's secret gumbo recipe?"  
  
"Buffy..."  
  
"You gotta help me out here, Evasive Boy. You're not making any sense. What could you possibly have seen that would make you want to push Anya away?"  
  
"It's too hard..."  
  
"I'm not letting you off the hook. You need to talk about this. Don't you want a chance to explain it to her?  
  
Xander?  
  
C'mon, Xander...please. You know you can tell me anything."  
  
"I...I hurt her."  
  
"Yes, you did. I mean, I've been known to rip through the Kleenex boxes myself, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone cry as much as Anya did that day."  
  
"No. I mean, in my future. I *hurt* her."  
  
*blink*  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Yeah. 'Oh.' Like father, like son."  
  
"Xander...you've never..."  
  
"Said anything about it? It's not something I wanted to gab about during Home Room or when we were out Bronzing, Buffy! It's not like it happens all the time, or even a lot...but sometimes the drinking gets beyond out of control...and things get mean. Or didn't you notice when Big Tony assaulted half the wedding party?"  
  
"That's what you're afraid of? Turning into a bully like your father? That's crazy. You love Anya, and you would never do anything like that to her."  
  
"Dad loved Mom when they got married, but that didn't stop him from making her life miserable. I-I don't know where it all went wrong, but it did. Just like it did with my grandparents, my uncles, most of my cousins. Call it a family tradition. Harris men are all destined to grow up to be drunk, bitter losers who like to talk with their fists."  
  
"I thought you didn't believe in fate."  
  
"I didn't want to...I told myself growing up that I'd turn out to be different. But when I look in the mirror, I see bits of him looking back at me. When I lose my temper and say hurtful things, or-or smash my hand through the wall, I feel him in my blood. He's a part of me whether I like it or not. Anya deserves better."  
  
"Anya deserves to be happy, and no one has ever made her happier than you."  
  
"Not anymore. I made sure of that, didn't I?"  
  
"It's not too late. She's plenty pissed off at you right now, but she still loves you."  
  
"Does she? Does she really love me the same way I love her? Buff...she knew I wanted to make it work, and she still turned to Spike. Spike!"  
  
"News flash...women are just as capable of making monumentally stupid relationship mistakes as men. It doesn't mean she doesn't love you, it just means she handled things badly. I think you guys are even."  
  
"Y'know, there's a few things I could say about monumentally stupid relationships but I think all of them would result in your fist in my face...so I think I'll just shut up and stick to my problems right now."  
  
"My fist thanks you. Think about it, dummy...if Anya didn't love you so much, would she have reacted like she has? She's just as torn up about everything as you are."  
  
"God...what am I gonna do, Buffy? I-I can't live my life without her, but what if we do get back together and I end up hurting her?"  
  
"That's not going to happen, because you're not going to let it. You have to talk about your fears with Anya - cutting yourself off from the people you love while you suffer alone isn't the answer. Believe me, I know. If there are parts of yourself that you don't like, you have the power to change...but only if you're brave enough to face your demons. If you don't do something to get rid of them once and for all, they'll keep coming back to bite you in the ass."  
  
"Okay, enough talk about Spike. Bad mental image, very bad."  
  
"You are never going to cut me some slack about him, are you?"  
  
"I wouldn't say never. In another 60-70 years, when I'm too batty to remember my own name, then I'll finally stop giving you grief about the jerks you go out with."  
  
"Gee, thanks."  
  
"I don't think there's anyone out there who's good enough for my Buffster. Thanks for everything. You're an incredible woman, and an even better friend."  
  
"You're not so bad yourself. Well, usually. When you're not covered in slime and smelling like a dead woodchuck."  
  
"Please. Rory would never stoop to using a dead woodchuck. Raccoons...now those little guys make an excellent gumbo!"  
  
"Oh, thank God we're finally here! Dibs on first shower. And second shower. Make it three showers. I really hope you have enough soap."  
  
"Hey, Buff? Do you think you can handle those Malodors by yourself? 'Cause there's a couple of other demons that I think I need to take care of tonight."  
  
===END===  
  
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